Okay, I'll just put it out there. I'm a wreck.
I'm an all or nothing sort of person emotion-wise. My response to something dramatic tends to be a "hmmm...let me philosophize on (or ignore) that for a while" or to become an anxiety-filled, tear-ridden mess that no one wants to be anywhere near.
Bennett is headed to kindergarten tomorrow. I've known it was coming since February 1, 2003 at about 3pm. The real countdown started about this time last year. Evan thinks having Bennett at Hull Elementary will be awesome (although last thing I heard tonight Evan's personally refusing to enter the school grounds ever again). Bennett is a social animal, is starting to read, and enjoys figuring out math problems - let's just say the kid's ready. We visited the class late last week, met his teacher (he got the one I wanted for him - yay!) and he definitely looked to be the best color-er of all the kids in his class already. I know, I'm biased.
So, the new Hulk backpack and lunchbox are ready to go. Bennett actually went to sleep by 8pm tonight. His school clothes are sitting on the dresser just waiting for the morning.
Everyone seems ready for this except me. I told Matt a few days ago that I wasn't going to handle this well and that I just couldn't talk about it. He's looked at me a few times since with that sweet "are you all right?" look in his eyes and I just wave him off and grunt in the universal "leave me alone, can't you see that I'm about to weep?" signal.
Intellectually, I'm there. I'm convinced Bennett is brilliant. I don't know that he'll be an A student or an academic wonder. But I know that he is one of the most creative, adventurous, passionate, curious little boys I know - and how can someone like that not succeed in school and in life.
So really, I'm just dealing with all of the lame cliches about moms watching their babies go off to kindergarten. I'm SOOOOO excited about all of the time to myself (hellooooo 8:30 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. - yes!) where I can work and do errands and plan and sit quietly and focus on what I want to do when. But I also know that I'm going to miss my chatty little buddy Bennett eagerly trying to get my attention to show me the robot he made from legos ... or to ask me what 7 + 5 is ... or to yell out "I love you, Mom!" while he sits on the toilet.
And I know that tomorrow at 8:35 a.m. this anxiety-filled, tear-ridden mess will be on display full force. Oh well, I'm sure I'll be in good company all across Chandler.
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4 comments:
I am sending you a hug in support!!! We have 4 weeks to go and I know I will be teary again this year, even though I am sending them to second grade and fourth grade!
Smiles - Stacey
Awww... it's not lame. It's the awesomeness that is being a mother. ;-) I wouldn't have it any other way.
So amazing that little Bennett is off to Kindergarten. I'm sure he will be the star student. :) Give him a hug and high five for me for getting through his first day of real school!
Tips from Collin:
1. Bullies are very odd. Like there aren't very much of them.
2. Teachers are normally very nice.
3. Make your work colorful.
4. Make sure you are very nice to other children.
5. Make sure you listen more than you talk.
I'm using some of my newly found "free" time today to catch up on friend's blogs. And low and behold...I find your post. How did you do? I cried when Austen got dressed and put his backpack on and then tears filled my eyes to say good-bye to him at school. But, all in all I'm doing much better than I thought I would. Now, when Logen goes to kinder...that might be a whole different story.
I can empathize with you and am sending you big hugs. I'll give ya a call tomorrow to chat--it's been too long.
Thanks for the support, guys! It went okay - there wasn't as much actual weeping as I expected but I spent most of the day with a big lump in my throat.
Stacey, thanks for posting!
Josie, tell Collin thanks for his advice - I'll make sure to pass it along to Bennett.
Tristan, call anytime. I'll be free! :-)
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