We love Evan. We also ache for him. Especially during periods like this where he seems to be hiding in his own world of anxiety, anger and the things that bring him comfort in the midst of it all. Of course we do our best to be a source of peace and love. Of course we fail and succeed day by day, moment by moment. And sometimes we shut down behind closed doors, throw up our hands, let the tears flow and admit that we have absolutely no idea how to help our beloved son.
Amidst fervent prayers and listening for God's voice and the voices of those we trust ... we read. Right now, I'm reading a simple yet profound book called Ten Things Your Child With Autism Wishes You Knew. Here's just a sampling of some of the words that have encouraged me today and reminded me of what I already know, but often forget.
"Raw fear motivated me in the beginning. I could not bear to imagine Bryce's fate as an adult if I did not do everything within my power to equip him to live in a world where I would not always be around." (A constant worry in our lives.)
"Here is the gist of what I know to be true. Your child's autism does not mean that he, you and your family will not lead full, joyous, meaningful lives. You may be scared, but dare yourself to believe this ... with a caveat. How much of that full measure we achieve with our kids is greatly dependent upon the choices we make for and about them given their individuality and uncommon character. A memorable passage from Nora Ephron's story Heartburn has the protagonist asserting that when your dreams break into a million pieces, you can either fall apart, or you can go get yourself a new dream." (Evan will never fit into the "box" so how can we help him learn to function apart from it?)
"The child with autism does need skilled guidance to achieve a comfortable place in the larger world, but working toward that goal with positive energy and optimism is not the same as 'fixing' the child. They already possess much that can be celebrated; we must now go out and love and guide them with the same acceptance of whole self we want for ourselves." (Mostly this is simple because we are crazy about him, sometimes it's incredibly difficult. But Evan deserves nothing less from us.)
"There is no shortcut to anyplace worth going." - Beverly Sills, mother of two special needs children
We don't want the shortcut, we want to do right by our Evan. And sometimes we just need a little perspective.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
What Nat's watching ...
I'm not a commmitted TV viewer. I tend to avoid anything that adds unnecessary anxiety and drama to an already melodramatic, overly anxious psyche. And when I watch TV I almost always multi-task by reading a book or surfing the net or writing e-mails at the same time. (Hey, that's what I'm doing right now!) These are likely the reasons I've never gotten into shows like Lost and Grey's Anatomy and 24 that everyone else I know seems to love. I just can't commit.
Instead, outside of the occasional Masterpiece Theatre experience, I choose to watch shows that don't require regular viewership and either make me laugh or cheer or say "hmmm...interesting." In that light, I give you - in no particular order - Natalie's top 8 TV shows, circa August 2008.
1) Conan O'Brien (NBC)
I'm a Conan junkie. I attribute my inability to fall asleep before midnight to Conan. If I hadn't met Matt when I did, I may have become a Conan stalker. Okay, that might be going a little bit far, but I do have a thing for a guy with a snarky, intelligent sense of humor and crazy hair. I can't wait for Jay Leno to go away ... and I'm not the only one!
2) Forensic Files (TruTV)
Matt doesn't get this one, given the whole avoiding stress and anxiety thing. My explanation is that the sad ending - someone's dead - is just a given, so I can relax and enjoy the scientific process for figuring out who's the bad guy. Plus, the narrator has the coolest voice ever and I can usually count on it being on early in the morning if I have trouble sleeping.
3) My Boys (TBS)
We have the Delaneys to thank for the discovery of this way too hidden gem. A sort-of sitcom without the painful laugh track, My Boys features strong writing, great actors and a group of characters that you just want to hang out with.
4) The Soup (E!)
Talk about snarky. If snarky was a real word, one might find this show in the dictionary as its definition. Wait...I've got to check the dictionary. Dang it! Snarky is there already ("Rudely sarcastic or disrespectful; snide"). Well, this snarky show gleefully makes fun of almost everything on TV and I gleefully go along for the ride.
5) Project Runway (Bravo)
Are you in or are you out? Although my idea of fashion can be found in combining Old Navy with TJ Maxx, I love watching the designers at work. Whether or not I understand why some outfits are better than others according to the judges, the cast of characters never disappoints. Make it work! Ahh, I love Tim Gunn.
6) The Office (NBC)
If there was a particular order to this list, The Office would likely be #1. Matt and I came late to game and we still haven't finished all of season 4, but there is nothing like this show to make me laugh until my stomach hurts. Maybe it's because Steve Carrell is a genius or because Pam & Jim have had the most realistic relationship arc on TV or because I've spent way too much time in an office myself. Always quotable, always memorable. Schrute for VP!
7) Cops (Fox and TruTV)
A classic. I have no real explanation as to the “why?” of my interest in this show. I suppose partially because it’s always on somewhere and requires no real brain power. If I drank more, I’d make up a drinking game related to the number of scenes showing wife beater t-shirts or nudity. Hmm…let me check on that one, too.
8) Reno 911! (Comedy Central and others)
A brilliant parody of a classic. And on TV almost as much as Cops. A bit surreal but always hilarious, this show follows only The Office and Conan in its ability to make me laugh out loud.
Instead, outside of the occasional Masterpiece Theatre experience, I choose to watch shows that don't require regular viewership and either make me laugh or cheer or say "hmmm...interesting." In that light, I give you - in no particular order - Natalie's top 8 TV shows, circa August 2008.
1) Conan O'Brien (NBC)
I'm a Conan junkie. I attribute my inability to fall asleep before midnight to Conan. If I hadn't met Matt when I did, I may have become a Conan stalker. Okay, that might be going a little bit far, but I do have a thing for a guy with a snarky, intelligent sense of humor and crazy hair. I can't wait for Jay Leno to go away ... and I'm not the only one!
2) Forensic Files (TruTV)
Matt doesn't get this one, given the whole avoiding stress and anxiety thing. My explanation is that the sad ending - someone's dead - is just a given, so I can relax and enjoy the scientific process for figuring out who's the bad guy. Plus, the narrator has the coolest voice ever and I can usually count on it being on early in the morning if I have trouble sleeping.
3) My Boys (TBS)
We have the Delaneys to thank for the discovery of this way too hidden gem. A sort-of sitcom without the painful laugh track, My Boys features strong writing, great actors and a group of characters that you just want to hang out with.
4) The Soup (E!)
Talk about snarky. If snarky was a real word, one might find this show in the dictionary as its definition. Wait...I've got to check the dictionary. Dang it! Snarky is there already ("Rudely sarcastic or disrespectful; snide"). Well, this snarky show gleefully makes fun of almost everything on TV and I gleefully go along for the ride.
5) Project Runway (Bravo)
Are you in or are you out? Although my idea of fashion can be found in combining Old Navy with TJ Maxx, I love watching the designers at work. Whether or not I understand why some outfits are better than others according to the judges, the cast of characters never disappoints. Make it work! Ahh, I love Tim Gunn.
6) The Office (NBC)
If there was a particular order to this list, The Office would likely be #1. Matt and I came late to game and we still haven't finished all of season 4, but there is nothing like this show to make me laugh until my stomach hurts. Maybe it's because Steve Carrell is a genius or because Pam & Jim have had the most realistic relationship arc on TV or because I've spent way too much time in an office myself. Always quotable, always memorable. Schrute for VP!
7) Cops (Fox and TruTV)
A classic. I have no real explanation as to the “why?” of my interest in this show. I suppose partially because it’s always on somewhere and requires no real brain power. If I drank more, I’d make up a drinking game related to the number of scenes showing wife beater t-shirts or nudity. Hmm…let me check on that one, too.
8) Reno 911! (Comedy Central and others)
A brilliant parody of a classic. And on TV almost as much as Cops. A bit surreal but always hilarious, this show follows only The Office and Conan in its ability to make me laugh out loud.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Morris Bucks
So the Morris family has officially introduced its new positive reinforcement program today: Morris Bucks! If the kids do certain tasks with a good attitude and without complaining (an essential caveat) they get a Morris Buck (or maybe two if it's a really big thing). Then, they can save up their Morris Bucks for different rewards (going to get ice cream, playing GameCube for 15 extra minutes, etc). Hopefully this will help them learn to be responsible and teach them to save up for the big things sometimes (getting ice cream would cost less Morris Bucks than going to McDonald's, for example) instead of going for instant gratification.
Knowing our kids, we felt this system would work better than a chart or stickers or that kind of thing because the "Bucks" are physical, tangible things that you can hold and store and count like real money. And being who we are, we had to put our own crazy spin on it and make our own money. No toy store money for us! Introducing ... Morris Bucks!!
Oh yes, Bella is the ultimate in Morris Bucks ... and we all used our superhero alteregos in case Morris Bucks get into the wrong hands somehow. :-) The kids definitely loved the customized "money" and that has energized the whole concept. We'll see how it goes!
Knowing our kids, we felt this system would work better than a chart or stickers or that kind of thing because the "Bucks" are physical, tangible things that you can hold and store and count like real money. And being who we are, we had to put our own crazy spin on it and make our own money. No toy store money for us! Introducing ... Morris Bucks!!
Oh yes, Bella is the ultimate in Morris Bucks ... and we all used our superhero alteregos in case Morris Bucks get into the wrong hands somehow. :-) The kids definitely loved the customized "money" and that has energized the whole concept. We'll see how it goes!
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