Perspective for today

We love Evan. We also ache for him. Especially during periods like this where he seems to be hiding in his own world of anxiety, anger and the things that bring him comfort in the midst of it all. Of course we do our best to be a source of peace and love. Of course we fail and succeed day by day, moment by moment. And sometimes we shut down behind closed doors, throw up our hands, let the tears flow and admit that we have absolutely no idea how to help our beloved son.

Amidst fervent prayers and listening for God's voice and the voices of those we trust ... we read. Right now, I'm reading a simple yet profound book called Ten Things Your Child With Autism Wishes You Knew. Here's just a sampling of some of the words that have encouraged me today and reminded me of what I already know, but often forget.

"Raw fear motivated me in the beginning. I could not bear to imagine Bryce's fate as an adult if I did not do everything within my power to equip him to live in a world where I would not always be around." (A constant worry in our lives.)

"Here is the gist of what I know to be true. Your child's autism does not mean that he, you and your family will not lead full, joyous, meaningful lives. You may be scared, but dare yourself to believe this ... with a caveat. How much of that full measure we achieve with our kids is greatly dependent upon the choices we make for and about them given their individuality and uncommon character. A memorable passage from Nora Ephron's story Heartburn has the protagonist asserting that when your dreams break into a million pieces, you can either fall apart, or you can go get yourself a new dream." (Evan will never fit into the "box" so how can we help him learn to function apart from it?)

"The child with autism does need skilled guidance to achieve a comfortable place in the larger world, but working toward that goal with positive energy and optimism is not the same as 'fixing' the child. They already possess much that can be celebrated; we must now go out and love and guide them with the same acceptance of whole self we want for ourselves." (Mostly this is simple because we are crazy about him, sometimes it's incredibly difficult. But Evan deserves nothing less from us.)

"There is no shortcut to anyplace worth going." - Beverly Sills, mother of two special needs children

We don't want the shortcut, we want to do right by our Evan. And sometimes we just need a little perspective.